A sexless marriage can feel confusing and lonely, but it is more common than people think. Studies show that around 15 to 20 percent of marriages become sexless, usually because life gets busy, stress builds up, or emotional closeness slowly fades. It doesn’t happen because the love is gone. It happens because the connection needs attention.
The good news is that a sexless marriage can be fixed. Small, steady changes make a big difference. When couples communicate honestly and create space for closeness again, intimacy often returns naturally.
In this article, you’ll find 13 simple and practical ways to fix a sexless marriage, written to help you rebuild comfort, desire, and connection without pressure.
13 Steps to Fix a Sexless Marriage Without Pressure or Blame
1. Start by Talking About the Distance Gently
The first step to fix a sexless marriage is starting an honest but gentle conversation about the distance you both feel. Many couples avoid this topic because they fear blame or rejection. But silence often creates more confusion and emotional stress.
A simple approach works best. You can say something like, “I miss feeling close to you,” instead of focusing on what’s missing. Research shows that couples who talk openly about intimacy concerns are far more likely to rebuild their sex life compared to couples who avoid the subject.
This conversation isn’t about pointing fingers. It’s about understanding how both of you feel. When you open the door gently, your partner is less likely to get defensive, and you take the first real step toward improving intimacy in your marriage.
2. Rebuild Emotional Intimacy Before Expecting Physical Change
One of the most important steps to fix a sexless marriage is rebuilding emotional closeness first. Many couples try to jump straight into improving their sex life without addressing the emotional distance that developed over time. Without emotional safety, physical intimacy feels pressured or uncomfortable.
Research on long-term couples shows that emotional intimacy is the strongest predictor of sexual intimacy. When partners feel heard, valued, and connected, desire grows naturally.
You can start small. Sit together without screens, ask about each other’s day, share something personal, or simply spend a few quiet minutes together. These gentle actions help your partner feel safe around you again.
When emotional connection improves, rebuilding intimacy in a sexless marriage becomes much easier and more natural for both partners.
3. Remove Pressure Around Sex Completely
When a marriage becomes sexless, pressure builds on both sides. One partner may feel rejected, while the other may feel guilty or overwhelmed. This pressure makes intimacy even harder to return. Removing all expectations is one of the most effective ways to fix a sexless marriage because it gives both partners emotional space to relax.
Research shows that anxiety around performance or expectation reduces natural desire, especially in long-term relationships. When partners feel they “have to” be intimate, their mind shuts down instead of opening up.
Let go of any timelines or demands. Focus on rebuilding comfort, not on “when” sex will happen again. Enjoy small warm moments, sitting close, holding hands, talking softly, or spending quiet time together.
When the pressure fades, your partner feels safer. And when safety grows, desire has room to return naturally. This slow, steady approach is often the key to rebuilding intimacy in a sexless marriage.
4. Bring Back Small Physical Touch Without Expecting Sex
A major step to fix a sexless marriage is to reintroduce gentle physical touch that is not connected to sex. When intimacy has been missing for a long time, jumping straight into sexual contact can feel too sudden or uncomfortable. Small, non-sexual touch helps rebuild comfort and trust.
This can be as simple as holding hands, hugging before leaving the house, sitting close on the sofa, or placing a hand on your partner’s back while talking. Research on couple bonding shows that regular, low-pressure physical touch increases feelings of safety and emotional connection, which are essential for rebuilding intimacy.
These small touches help your partner’s body relax around you again. Over time, this creates the foundation for physical closeness to return naturally.
Rebuilding a sexless marriage starts with comfort, not performance. When touch feels safe again, desire slowly begins to grow.
5. Understand the Real Reason Behind the Sexless Marriage
A sexless marriage rarely happens because of one single issue. Most of the time, it develops slowly through stress, exhaustion, emotional distance, health changes, or unspoken resentment. To fix a sexless marriage, both partners need to gently explore what created the distance in the first place.
Research shows that stress, poor communication, and unresolved conflict are the top causes of declining sexual desire in long-term relationships. For some couples, it may be hormonal changes or medical conditions. For others, it might be feeling unappreciated, overwhelmed, or unheard.
Instead of guessing, talk openly about what each of you has been feeling. You don’t have to solve everything in one conversation. Just understanding the root causes removes confusion and reduces blame.
When you know why intimacy faded, you can rebuild closeness in a way that actually works for both partners.
6. Create Small Moments of Connection Each Day
Fixing a sexless marriage doesn’t start in the bedroom. It starts with daily moments where you simply connect as partners. When the emotional bond weakens, intimacy becomes harder, so rebuilding small moments of closeness is essential.
Connection can be simple. Eating together without phones, sharing a short walk, having a five-minute talk before bed, or doing a small task together. Research on relationship health shows that couples who maintain regular small interactions feel more satisfied and connected, which naturally supports the return of physical intimacy.
These moments help remove emotional distance. When you feel seen and supported in daily life, you naturally become more open to rebuilding intimacy.
A sexless marriage improves faster when closeness becomes a habit, not an occasional effort.
7. Talk Honestly About Your Sexual Needs Without Blame
A common reason a sexless marriage continues is that both partners stay silent about what they need. Many people avoid the topic because they worry it will start a fight or hurt their partner’s feelings. But honest, calm communication is one of the most effective ways to fix a sexless marriage.
You don’t need to share everything at once. Start gently. Use soft language like, “I miss feeling close to you,” or “I want us to work on our intimacy together.” Research shows that couples who discuss their sexual needs without criticism rebuild intimacy faster than couples who avoid the topic.
The goal is not to pressure your partner. It’s to open a safe conversation where both of you feel heard. When needs are expressed clearly and kindly, misunderstandings reduce, emotional closeness grows, and physical intimacy becomes easier to rebuild.
Being honest, without blame, creates space for desire to return in a more natural way.
8. Reduce Stress Before Expecting Intimacy to Improve
A lot of sexless marriages begin because one or both partners are simply worn out. When someone is stressed or mentally tired, sex feels like an extra task instead of something enjoyable. To fix a sexless marriage, you often need to calm life down a bit first.
Stress affects desire more than people realise. When the mind is overloaded, the body does not respond the same way. So instead of pushing for intimacy, focus on making life a little easier. Share responsibilities, take small breaks, rest more, or do something relaxing together.
Even simple changes, like going for a walk, talking for a few minutes, or sitting quietly together, can help your partner feel more settled.
When stress goes down, closeness becomes easier. And when closeness grows, intimacy starts to return naturally.
9. Bring Back Affection Without Making It About Sex
When a marriage becomes sexless, even small forms of affection often disappear. This creates more distance and makes intimacy feel even harder. One effective way to fix a sexless marriage is to slowly reintroduce gentle affection that has no sexual pressure attached.
This can be as simple as holding hands, giving a short hug, touching your partner’s arm, or sitting close while watching something together. These small gestures help your partner feel safe and cared for. Studies show that regular affectionate touch increases feelings of comfort and emotional closeness, which supports the return of intimacy.
The goal here is comfort, not expectation. When affection feels warm and natural again, the fear or tension around intimacy slowly reduces.
Over time, these small touches create the foundation for desire to return in a healthy and relaxed way.
10. Try New Ways of Connecting Without Overthinking the Outcome
Sometimes a sexless marriage stays stuck because both partners feel unsure about how to reconnect. Trying new ways of spending time together can slowly open the door to more closeness. This doesn’t mean making big plans or trying anything uncomfortable. Even small changes in your routine can help fix a sexless marriage.
You can cook together, take a short evening walk, try a new activity, or even sit somewhere different in the house and talk. Research on long-term couples shows that shared new experiences create positive feelings that help rebuild emotional and physical intimacy.
The key is to keep things light. Don’t think about whether these moments will “lead to sex.” Just focus on enjoying each other’s company again. When the pressure is removed and the connection feels easy, intimacy has a better chance of returning naturally.
New experiences help you see your partner in a fresh way, which often brings back warmth and curiosity.
11. Be Honest About Emotional Hurt or Resentment
A sexless marriage often has unspoken feelings under the surface, hurt, rejection, confusion, or resentment. These emotions quietly build walls between partners. To fix a sexless marriage, it helps to gently talk about any emotional pain that may be holding you back.
You don’t need a long or heavy conversation. Start with something simple like, “I think we both stopped talking about how we feel,” or “I want us to understand each other better.” Research on couple conflict shows that unresolved emotional hurt is one of the biggest barriers to intimacy returning.
Acknowledging these feelings doesn’t mean blaming your partner. It means giving both of you space to be honest and heard. When emotional tension decreases, closeness becomes easier, and the path to physical intimacy opens up naturally.
Healing the emotional side often leads to real progress in fixing a sexless marriage.
12. Set Realistic Expectations While Rebuilding Intimacy
When you are trying to fix a sexless marriage, expecting quick results can create even more pressure. Intimacy does not return overnight. It comes back slowly as comfort, trust, and emotional connection grow. Setting realistic expectations helps both partners feel safe instead of rushed.
Most couples need time to adjust, especially if the marriage has been sexless for months or years. Research on long-term relationships shows that small, steady improvements are more effective than sudden changes when rebuilding intimacy.
Focus on progress, not perfection. Celebrate small wins, more affection, better conversations, fewer misunderstandings, or simply feeling closer than before. These are signs that intimacy is slowly returning.
When both partners understand that rebuilding takes time, fixing a sexless marriage becomes much easier and less stressful.
13. Consider Professional Help if You Feel Stuck
Sometimes a sexless marriage continues not because you don’t care about each other, but because both of you feel unsure about how to move forward. In these moments, getting professional help can make the process easier and clearer. A trained therapist or sexologist can help you understand what’s blocking intimacy and guide you step by step to fix a sexless marriage.
Couples often feel relieved after talking to a professional because it gives them a safe place to be honest without fear of conflict. Many studies show that guided support helps couples rebuild intimacy faster, especially when emotional hurt or long-term distance is involved.
Seeking help does not mean your relationship is failing. It simply means you want support to reconnect in a healthier way. Sometimes one or two sessions are enough to shift the direction and help intimacy return more naturally.
Final Thoughts About Fixing a Sexless Marriage
A sexless marriage can feel heavy, but it is not the end of intimacy. Many couples go through this phase. Studies suggest that 1 in 5 marriages becomes sexless at some point, often because life stress, tiredness, or emotional distance slowly builds up. The important thing to remember is that this can change.
You don’t need big, dramatic steps to fix a sexless marriage. Small, steady actions, talking gently, rebuilding comfort, reducing stress, showing affection, and creating daily moments of closeness make the biggest difference. Research shows that couples who focus on small improvements consistently are far more likely to regain intimacy than couples trying to force quick results.
Rebuilding intimacy takes patience, but it is absolutely possible. When both partners feel safe, understood, and supported, closeness starts to return naturally. With time, care, and honest effort, your marriage can feel warm, connected, and intimate again.
FAQs About Fixing a Sexless Marriage
1. What is considered a sexless marriage?
A sexless marriage is clinically defined as having sex fewer than ten times per year or when intimacy feels consistently absent, avoided, or emotionally disconnected for a long time.
2. Is it normal for a marriage to become sexless?
Yes. Many long-term relationships experience sexless phases due to stress, routine, exhaustion, emotional distance, or health changes. It’s common, and often temporary with the right approach.
3. Can a sexless marriage be fixed?
Yes. Most sexless marriages improve when partners communicate openly, rebuild emotional closeness, explore non-sexual intimacy first, and gradually reintroduce physical connection without pressure or expectation.
4. Why does a marriage become sexless?
Common reasons include stress, unresolved conflict, low libido, hormonal shifts, trauma history, medication effects, and a lack of emotional safety or communication around intimacy and desire.
5. How do you fix a sexless marriage without pressure?
Start gently. Focus on communication, emotional closeness, shared affection, and strengthening trust. Intimacy should grow slowly, without guilt or expectations to “perform” before comfort returns.
6. How long does it take to fix a sexless marriage?
It varies. Some couples notice improvement within weeks, while others need months. Progress depends on emotional safety, consistency, and both partners being open to change.
7. What if only one partner wants to fix the sexless marriage?
Change is still possible, but slower. Patience, empathy, and open communication can create emotional safety, which may help the other partner become more responsive and willing.
8. Should we go to therapy for a sexless marriage?
Therapy helps when conversations turn defensive, resentment builds, or intimacy feels stuck. A trained professional can guide communication, uncover deeper causes, and support healthy reconnection.
9. Can a sexless marriage affect emotional connection?
Yes. Over time, lack of intimacy may create distance, loneliness, frustration, or rejection. Rebuilding connection early prevents emotional damage and improves the overall relationship dynamic.
10. Is it okay to stay in a sexless marriage long-term?
It’s okay only if both partners genuinely feel satisfied. If one feels hurt, neglected, or unfulfilled, the issue needs attention, communication, or professional support.
