In a healthy marriage, both people get a say. You make decisions together. You feel like equals.
But what if that’s not what’s happening in your relationship?
Maybe your partner always decides where the money goes. Or you stay quiet to avoid another argument.
That’s not balance. That’s a power issue, and it can slowly damage the trust and connection between you.
This is called an unhealthy power dynamic in marriage, and it’s more common than you think.
A study from the Journal of Marriage and Family found that feeling unheard or overpowered is a major reason couples seek therapy, and many don’t realise it until things start falling apart.
The worst part? It often hides behind “normal” routines.
Let’s look at the real signs that power in your marriage isn’t being shared, and what that does to your relationship.
In a healthy marriage, decisions aren’t just one person’s job , they’re made together. You talk things through, share ideas, and come to a choice as a team. But sometimes, one partner ends up making all the calls , about money, parenting, even something as big as where you’re going to live.
Over time, that can throw the relationship off balance. The other person might start feeling like their voice doesn’t matter, like they’re just along for the ride instead of being an equal partner.
And here’s the reality , studies show that when one person holds most of the power, the emotional closeness between partners can fade surprisingly fast.
Some partners use guilt, go quiet for days, or drop subtle emotional pressure until you give in. It’s not always shouting or obvious demands. More often, it’s quiet, under-the-surface stuff that still ends up steering what you do.
The hard part is, it can sneak up on you. At first, you tell yourself you’re just picking your battles. But over time, you start noticing you’re not really making choices for yourself anymore , you’re just avoiding the reaction you’re afraid will come.
A lot of therapists say emotional manipulation is one of the most common , and most overlooked , ways someone can quietly take control in a long-term relationship.
If you’re always watching what you say or steering clear of certain topics just to avoid trouble, that’s a pretty big warning sign.
In some marriages, one partner reacts in ways that feel over the top , sometimes it’s anger, sometimes it’s shutting down completely.
Before you know it, that becomes your normal. You get so used to avoiding conflict that the real “you” , the one who speaks up and shares what they feel , starts fading into the background.
Relationship experts say that when couples lose that sense of emotional safety, trust and closeness almost always start to break down over time.
When one person controls all the finances , how much is spent, saved, or shared , it creates a serious power gap in the relationship.
You might feel like you have to “ask” for money, justify your spending, or stay quiet to avoid a financial argument.
This isn’t just about money , it’s about control.
In unhealthy power dynamics in marriage, financial control can leave one partner feeling dependent, stuck, or even powerless.
According to the Institute for Family Studies, financial disagreements are one of the top predictors of divorce , even more than infidelity.
In a healthy marriage, intimacy is about closeness and mutual connection.
But when one partner uses it as a reward or punishment , that’s a power play.
You might hear things like:
This turns intimacy into leverage, not love. Research shows that couples who use sex as a tool for control report lower relationship satisfaction and emotional safety.
When your partner is always “fixing” what you do, making choices for you, or brushing off your opinions, that’s not care , it’s control.
In marriages where the power is out of balance, one person can slip into a “parent” role while the other is left feeling small, incapable, or like they need permission for everything.
It can sound like:
“You wouldn’t understand, let me handle it.”
or
“I told you that was a bad idea.”
Little by little, it eats away at your confidence. You stop feeling like an equal and start feeling invisible in your own relationship.
Psychologists warn that when the power isn’t shared, emotional safety fades , and once that happens, respect usually isn’t far behind.
If you’ve been nodding along while reading this, thinking, Yeah… this is starting to sound like my relationship, you’re probably not imagining it , and you’re definitely not the only one who’s been there.
The thing about power struggles is they rarely show up in big, dramatic ways at first. They sneak in. Maybe it’s a few small moments you brushed off, or little habits that seemed harmless, but over time they start changing how you feel about each other. And before you know it, you’re carrying around frustration, doubt, or that awful stuck feeling you can’t shake.
That’s where talking to a therapist can make a huge difference. It’s not about picking sides , it’s about having a space where you can both be honest, without things blowing up. Sometimes just hearing each other in a calmer setting can shift the entire tone of your relationship.
Marriage works best when it feels like the two of you are pulling in the same direction. But if one person starts carrying all the power, the relationship can slowly lose its warmth and trust.
Most of the time, it doesn’t happen in some big, obvious way. It creeps in. Maybe you stop speaking up to “keep the peace,” or you let them decide everything because it’s easier in the moment. At first, it might feel harmless… until you realize you’re feeling resentful, disconnected, or invisible.
The tough truth? These patterns rarely disappear on their own. Things start to shift only when both people notice what’s happening, talk about it openly, and put in the effort to fix it together. You deserve a marriage where you both feel seen, appreciated, and equal , every single day.
It’s when one person ends up making most of the decisions, whether it’s about money, big life choices, or even how emotions get handled. The other person starts to feel like their opinion is just background noise , there, but not really heard.
Think about how you feel when you’re with your partner. Do you bite your tongue because you’re worried they’ll blow up? Do you say “yes” when you actually mean “no” just to keep things calm? If that sounds familiar, the balance might be off.
Absolutely , but it takes work. You both have to see the problem and be willing to change it. Sometimes a therapist helps, not to take sides, but to help you both hear each other without all the noise.
There’s no single reason. Sometimes it’s how you grew up, past relationships, stress, or just habits you’ve both fallen into without noticing. Even if it’s not done on purpose, it can still leave one person feeling shut out.
Sure , if you’ve talked about it and it works for both of you. One might handle the budget, the other might plan the holidays. That’s fine. The red flag is when “taking the lead” turns into “I decide everything, end of story.”
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