How To Deal Narcissistic Husband

Living with a Tough Husband?

Maybe your husband doesn’t listen to you. Maybe he brags a lot or wants all the attention.  This can be confusing and frustrating!

My name is Dr. Meera Iyer, and I’m a therapist who helps people with marriage problems.  For over 20 years, I’ve seen lots of couples where one person acts kind of like a superstar, always needing to be the best.  These behaviors can make life hard at home.

In this article, I’ll share some tips to help you deal with these tough situations.  I won’t talk about anyone I’ve met before, to keep things private.  But I’ll use examples to show you what I mean.

We’ll learn how to be strong and take care of ourselves.  There’s help available too, if you need it!  So, keep reading to find out more.

Does Your Husband Do These Things?

Sometimes, husbands can act in ways that leave you feeling confused or upset. Not all husbands who exhibit some of the below behaviors are necessarily narcissistic.

Here are some things a narcissistic husband might do:

• Brags a lot and wants all the attention. Maybe he loves talking about himself and his achievements but doesn’t seem interested in what you have to say.
• Makes you feel bad about yourself. Perhaps he criticizes your looks, your ideas, or the things you do. This can make you feel down and unsure of yourself.
• Always wants to be right and win. Maybe he argues a lot, even about small things. It can seem like he needs to be the best at everything.
• Doesn’t listen to you or your feelings. It might feel like you can never get a word in edgewise, or that your thoughts and feelings don’t matter.
• Controls everything and makes all the decisions. Perhaps he doesn’t consider your opinions and expects you to do things his way.

Important Note:  Having some of these traits doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t love you.  Sometimes, people’s brains work in a way that makes it hard for them to see things from other people’s perspectives.

In the upcoming section, I’ll give you some real-life tips on how to deal with these situations and open communication with your husband.

How These Behaviors Can Make You Feel: It’s Not Your Fault

Living with a husband who acts like the superstar all the time can be really tough.  He might brag a lot and only want to talk about himself.  This can make you feel like you don’t matter.

As a marriage therapist, I heard these things a lot from my clients:  “Many wives tell me they feel unseen by their husbands.  They try to do something nice, but their husband just complains or makes it about him.”

These behaviors can make you feel all mixed up:

• Confused: Maybe your husband is nice one minute, then criticizes you the next. This can make you wonder what’s real and if you’re doing something wrong.
• Frustrated: It’s like talking to a wall! You try to have a conversation, but your husband just wants to win the argument.
• Sad: Hearing all the time that you’re not good enough can make you feel sad about yourself.
• Lonely: Even though you’re married, you might feel alone because you can’t connect with your husband.

It’s not your fault!  These behaviors are about him, not you.  They can make you feel even worse, like:

• Scared: You might be afraid to say anything because you don’t want to be criticized.
• Depressed: Feeling sad and alone all the time can make you depressed.

How to Deal with a Narcissistic Husband: Taking Back Control (Even When It’s Hard)

Living with a husband who acts like he’s always number one can be really confusing and draining, especially when you face extra challenges. 

Here are some tips to help you deal with these situations, with my insights as a marriage therapist, Dr. Meera Iyer:

Setting Boundaries: Stop the Yelling and More!

Boundaries are like invisible lines that show what’s okay and not okay. For example, a boundary might be, “I won’t talk if you yell at me.” Setting boundaries can be tough, but it’s important to show you won’t tolerate disrespect.

Here’s what you can do:

• If your husband yells, you can calmly say, “I won’t talk when you yell. Let’s talk when you’re calm.”
• You don’t have to listen to him put down you or others. You can say, “I won’t listen if you talk badly about him/her.”
• If you need some time alone, that’s okay! Say, “I need some space right now. We can talk later.”

Using “I” Statements:  Explain How His Actions Make You Feel

Instead of accusatory statements like, “You never listen to me!” try “I feel hurt when you interrupt me.” This focuses on your feelings and helps him understand the impact of his actions.

Here are some examples of “I” statements you can use:

• “I feel frustrated when you don’t listen to my ideas.”
• “I feel sad when you make jokes at my expense.”
• “I feel left out when you spend all your time with your friends and not with me.”

Pick Your Fights: Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

Narcissistic Husbands love to argue and prove themself right. Don’t waste your energy on every little thing. Focus on the most important stuff that really bugs you.

Here’s how to pick your fights like a champ:

• Is it worth arguing about? Will yelling change anything?
• Can you wait to talk? Sometimes you both need to calm down before talking things through.
• Is this a BIG deal? Focus on important things that matter to you in the long run.

The Broken Record Technique: Saying What You Need Calmly

Sometimes, you might need to repeat what you need calmly and clearly, like a broken record. For example, “I need you to listen to my ideas about dinner.”

Here’s how to use the Broken Record Technique:

• Stay calm and steady: Don’t yell or get upset.
• Repeat your need clearly: “I need you to listen to my ideas.”
• Be patient: It might take some time for him to listen.

Take a Break: Cool Down Before Talking Again

Things can get heated! If the conversation gets out of control, take a break and say, “Let’s talk about this later when we’re both calm.” This gives you both time to cool down and approach the situation more clearly.

Here’s why taking a break is super helpful:

• Nobody listens when they’re mad. When you’re both calm, you can talk things through better.
• It gives you time to think. Taking a break can help you figure out what you really want to say.
• You can come back feeling stronger. Taking a break can help you feel more in control of the situation.

Focus on the Good:  Find Some Bright Spots

It’s easy to get bogged down by negativity. Even in difficult situations, try to find some good things about your husband. 

Maybe he makes you laugh sometimes, or he’s a good dad to your kids. 

Focusing on the positive can help you feel better and give you strength.

Here are some ways to find the good:

• Make a list of things you appreciate about him. Even small things can count!
• Think about happy memories you’ve shared.
• Focus on his good qualities, like his sense of humor or his work ethic.

You Time! Do Things You Love

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s super important! When things are tough at home, doing things you enjoy helps you feel better.

Here are some ideas for YOU time:

• Hang out with friends and family who make you smile.

• Do hobbies you love, like reading, painting, or going for walks.

• • Eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, and move your body! This helps you feel good inside and out.

• Find ways to relax, like taking a warm bath or listening to calming music.

Talk to Someone You Trust: Share How You Feel

Bottling things up can make you feel worse. Talking to someone you trust can be a big help!

Here are some people you can talk to:

• A close friend or family member who listens well.
• A therapist who can give you support and advice.
• A support group for women in similar situations.

Get Support: You Are Not Alone

Dealing with a difficult husband can be lonely, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Some people can help!

Here are ways to find support:

• Talk to a therapist.
• Join a support group for women.
• Connect with friends and family.

Is This Relationship Right for You?

No one deserves to be treated badly. It’s important to think about what kind of life you want.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

• Am I happy in this relationship?
• Does my husband treat me with respect?
• Do I feel safe and supported?

If the answer is no, you may want to consider couples counseling or even separation. 

A therapist can help you explore your options and make decisions that are right for you.

How To Deal With Special Situations In Your Marriage

Financial Dependence: Feeling Trapped?

Financial dependence can make it harder to leave a difficult situation. If you’re not working outside the home, consider exploring options like taking online courses, reading blogs, developing job skills, or seeking part-time work to build some financial independence. There are also government programs and non-profit organizations that can offer support and resources.

Dealing with In-Laws on His Side:

In-laws who take his side can feel overwhelming. Focus on building healthy boundaries with them too. Limit contact if necessary, and practice assertive communication when you do interact.

Restricted Social Circle: Feeling Isolated?

Social connection is vital for your well-being. If your husband controls who you see, try connecting online with friends and family. Explore joining virtual support groups for women in similar situations. Even small steps can help you feel less alone.

Needing Permission to Go Out: Feeling Controlled?

A controlling husband might make you feel like you need his approval for everything. Start small: plan outings with friends or family well in advance, and be clear about your plans. Practice assertive communication to express your needs.

The Cold Shoulder Treatment: Feeling Punished?

The silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation. Don’t chase after his approval. Focus on activities that make you happy, and connect with your support system.

Taking Care of Yourself: You Are Strong!

Living with a difficult husband can be draining, but you are stronger than you think! Here are 10 ways to take care of yourself:

• Share your feelings with a trusted friend or family member. You don’t have to carry this alone.
• Make time for hobbies, even if it’s just reading for 30 minutes before bed.
• Nourish your body with healthy choices that give you energy.
• Aim for 7-8 hours of sleep to feel your best and manage stress.
• Go for a walk, stretch, or do some yoga – even a little movement helps.
• Take a warm bath, listen to music, or try relaxation techniques like deep breathing.
• Spend time with supportive friends and family who uplift you.
• Knowledge empowers you. Read books or websites to understand the challenges.
• It’s okay to need some space. Spend time alone or plan a relaxing getaway.
• You are capable and strong. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. You got this!

Final Thoughts

I’m Dr. Meera Iyer, a therapist at Psychicare with over 20 years in this field. I’ve helped many wives feeling lost with husbands who are narcissistic. There’s no one-fit approach for everyone as every relationship is different. 

I’ll advise you to consult with a professional to better understand your situation and find some healthy ways to deal with your narcissistic husband. 

Note: At PsychiCare, we’ve some of the best marriage therapists and psychologists who can help you with your case online via video, chat, or phone calls. 

Take care, hun!!